Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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