I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
