When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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