i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
