I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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