Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
