dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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