I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
