I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
