And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
