Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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