So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
