Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
