i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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