So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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