Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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