take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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