True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
