yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
