I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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