im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
