Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
