Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
