just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She's JV to your varsity
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we're so committed to being not committed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
