i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
