i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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