We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
