if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
