I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...