just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
