I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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