don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize