Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
