I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my sisters under your porch take her home
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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