I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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