you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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