He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
