You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
