this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
