I think i sorta joined a cult last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
