You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
