Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
