Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I love you. Go after that dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
