I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Panties = found
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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