Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
