I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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