my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
