I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
