Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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