If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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