Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
