note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
