just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
