google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
