Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
