take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
