Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
