dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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