i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
