Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
