Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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