69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
