Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
