dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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