Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
