just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
